Basketball Rap by Brandon Wright
Basketball Rap
About a hypothetical player and his skills
When it comes to basketball I da boss
In your record I add a loss
When my shot goes up it is sweet
I give my fans a little treat
My team won like you didn’t compete
Your team cries when you get beat
I go celebrate you all’s defeat
In my game I made shots from Jimmer Range
Then head home and pop champagne
All the haters call me a ball hog
Just because I added their team to my win catalog
From Orlando to Seattle my shot goes in
Teaching all the pretenders how to be real men
I shoot like Kobe and I dunk like Blake
And my shot is much sweeter than cake
When I play you my shot goes on easy bake
I only got thirty for goodness sake
I’m rebounding like Tim Duncan
At my B-Ball Academy, everyone flunkin
I’m the leading score like Kevin Durant
My name is all the fans chant
Dribbling past you like Derrick Rose
They think Kobe’s the best, but it’s just a pose
I got range like Jimmer Freddete
You gamble on me you win that bet
I play D unlike the Knicks
Those late night shows try and take some kicks
Like Ray Allen I drain all the 3’s
By my grade the Lakers all get D’s
Sorry Kobe can’t give you lessons, can’t teach an old dog a new trick
Assisting like Rondo
Watching my highlights back at the condo
I’m an underrated superstore, like Zach Randolph
You’re face go red like Rudolph
I try to disguise my laugh with a little cough
James, Wade and Bosh
Phish posh
I fly high much like a moth
I’m on ESPN top play
Dunkfacing on the losers each and every day
LOL you just got served
You called me out you had some nerves
When you’re with me no buzzer beater needed
My team always go undefeated
When we go one on one your text says sad face
I ain’t trippin you just forgot to tie your shoelace
When it comes to getting schooled you’re a special case
Your eyes look like they just got sprayed with mace
From AAU to High School, NCAA to NBA
My game always come to play
When you get me in the first game of the tourney, it’s like rendition
Can you quit? I’ll sign the petition
Thrice a week I hold detention
My game is like the best science fiction
Other players they don’t even mention
The other players my coach be benchin
1 on 5 that’s my kinda style
And I still be heading home with a smile
Call 911, it’s the emergency dial
I just added you case to my getting served file
Sorry Luke I am you’re father
I will always win so why bother
Sorry Rondo
I ain’t fondo
And when it comes to my game
I got fame
I made shots from Jimmer Range
Kobe and LeBron beg for my change
You go hide your face in shame
Bosh and Wade wish they had my game
When I see you shot I say lame
When you lose I am to blame
Please call me by my codename Duncan Swisher
If you think you have my skills then you a wisher
Every second of my game is like the torture at Gitmo
At least to you it appears in slow-mo
You see my shot fall
You turn the TV off and head to the mall
And when you turn it back on you still see my shot fall
You sit down and stare in awe
Your team trades their whole roster for me
Because wins are what they wish to see
WTH OMG how’d he do that it beats me
But when it comes to me there’s always more to see
I can’t enter 3 contests, no pro’s allowed
When I walk in my fans get loud
Don’t even bother to try to calm down my crowd
In your forecast I cast a cloud
My teams only up fifty must be a nightmare
I’m giving my fans a little scare
Did that shot go in? OMG
All the NBA all-stars wish they were me
Don’t try to compete I can be mean
I’ll show you stuff that you’ve never seen
Kobe and LeBron will just be has-beens
My squad got infinity wins
Teaching the pretenders how to be real men
But for now that’s all from me
But you can see the highlights on ESPN TV